Drama Drama 6-22-10

Today started normally enough.  I woke up with my David followed him as he got dressed, and heated up my tea. Waved goodbye, blew kisses, and fed the baby.  Then devotions.  Ps119:133 was the verse that stood out to me this morning. "Direct my footsteps according to your word, let not sin rule over me."  This morning it was inspiring, encouraging, I should have seen the test coming.
Occupational Therapy this morning was great, he is still not holding up his head well, but the other things are starting to take a little more normal route.  He is REALLY behind still, but he seems to enjoy "therapy".   We all enjoy therapy.  Miss M is wonderful, and so patient and caring.  SUCH an answer to prayer.
Today's visitation would be different than the usual.  Typically the bio mom has the first hour, then the bio dad (of the baby) has the second hour.  Today they would be together for visitation for the first time, and the second hour Alex would meet his bio dad.  He was a little nervous so I went in with him.  The first hour went by, we ate in a small room with nice furniture, all in soothing warm colors. The second hour Alex came to me, and said, "Mom, it's time to meet my bee-o-logical dad, hold my hand."  Soon as we opened the door I could see the resemblance, he was a little darker but has the round face, and warm eyes.  He started to cry and Alex gave him a hug and I bowed out quickly and quietly. I went back down the hall to the room that I knew they were keeping the baby and knocked, we were ready to go back to the room they had reserved for us.  The social worker wonders if I would mind letting the parents wait with us. . . if we keep the door open. . . I can come and get her at any time I want it to end. . .  Right here I should have said no, I should have politely asked to see her in the other room and said "Are you kidding, leave me in a room with hostile parents??????"  But I didn't.  "Sure" I say, "That would be fine".  This is the start of the worst hour of my day.  The first 30 min they totally ignored me.  The next 15 they whispered about me, NOT being paranoyed, he actually said, "I can't repeat it if you can't hear me, it's about her!!!!" and jerked his thumb my direction.   15 min before we were supposed to leave I decide to broach the subject of the upcoming MRI, "Of course I'll be there." says bio mom.  "I want to know why all these medical problems didn't surface until AFTER you got them, seems like you are just looking for Dr's to say what you want them to."  WOW, what do you say to an attack like that?  I'm dumbfounded.  I'm speechless.  I'm angry.  But I take a breath and say, "If you have any questions I would be happy to answer them."  Her response, "No thank you, I will talking to Dr's myself, I don't want to speak to you."  UGH.  Here is where the verse comes to play.  I was  angry.  At myself for being so spineless and letting it continue, at the social worker for putting me in the position, at the bio mom who has done everything to make me feel as un-comfortable as possible.   Back in the car, I call my David get his machine, Our advocate get her machine, My friends machines, machines, machines.  WHERE IS EVERYONE TODAY?????  I NEED to complain, I need to seethe and I'm getting machines.  The verse again, "Guide my footsteps according to your word, let no sin rule over me."  My feelings were ruling, my friends and confidants weren't available, and I literally pulled the car over, under the guise of getting gas, and had a moment with the Lord.  I still complained as people started getting back to me.  I won't lie.  I still talked my David's ear off while he showered.  My verse for the day should have read, Guide my thoughts, my emotions and my tongue according to your word, let no emotion rule over me.
Lesson learned, thoughts re-captured, tongue reigned in.

My kids call these Pop-is-cles and they are the perfect way to end a long hot day.