The truth

I am going to start this blog with an apology.  Mostly to myself, but also to any-one that has been reading this.  This is supposed to be an honest look at our life, and I have fallen into that, write about the fluff trap.
Please, don't mis-understand. . . I LOVE fluff.  I have posts that I read that are WONDERFUL WONDERFUL fluff!  I have posts that I read when I feel like a visit home.  And when I need a baby fix or baby fixes.  I have other posts that I go to hear a mother's heart for her home and family and her walk with the Lord.  I read and enjoy too many to post here, but those are in my top ten.  :-D   All of that being said, I have reverted to the easy writing, in these stressful times I have chosen to focus on the brighter spots.  Decorations, recipes and parties that I horned in on.  :-D  
So, here goes.
Grief: annoyance or trouble
4 weeks ago our visitation worker, (whom we LOVE!!!) asked us if we could do visits on Sat afternoon.
Denial:  I laughed.  Give up our ONLY family day???? HA, laughable, she agreed and said that she would report that it was not possible. 3 weeks ago she came back to me, and said that "The Judge" had made it an order.  Sat from 12-2 for the bio dad of Alex.  YUCK YUCK YUCK!!! 
Anger:  Needless to say I threw a little fit.  3 visitations a week????  3?????  I'm already running around like a headless chicken the days we have at home with therapists and school.  Not to mention the house, laundry, friends, church functions and date night. All this while David's job is very day to day, never knowing if he will need to drive 30min or 2hr and 30min.
Throw a fit . . check. 
Bargaining:  The next idea was that they would cut down the visits with the bio mom to once a week, yes, it will be for 3 hours, but it will be once a week, instead of twice.  HUGE HUGE difference!  That would mean that I would have one day of no therapists, or visitation!  (This is still in the "works". No progress there at all.)  this is me being shocked.  :-O)
Depression:  You can ask any of my friends at church that I did this one well.  I excelled at it actually.  I think that if pouting could be an Olympic sport I could medal!  ;-)  I was not happy. 
About this time the grandmother of the baby started making accusations. . . actually filing a grievance with the social worker accusing us of some not nice things, so we had to make her visits more formalized.   No more of them coming to have dinner with us, or joining our family outings.  So, the GAL and the social worker worked out a visitation schedule.  Bringing the grand total of visits to 4 a week!  4!!!!!
I have to say as a little side note, the relationship with the grandma coming to such an ugly end was a real blow for me.  I was so grateful for the camaraderie, and for some support in loving these two little guys.  God knows my heart.
Acceptance:  The bio dad is supposed to show up at 11 so that they can call us ahead of time.  Alex does seem to enjoy his visits.  We are able to have a little time either me by myself for a few hours, or David and I with our biological kiddos.  The grandmother's visits, I am still struggling with.  She showed up on time with new car seats for both of them, and I swear, watching them pull out of the drive-way was a tough moment. Tough hour.  But like my friend recently posted.  "God brought me to this . . . and He will bring me through it."

Foster care is not easy.  Virtually everyone we know thinks that we are CRAZY to put ourselves through this.  It is a very real thing.  A very worldly driven thing, and very hard to wade through as Christians.  I don't know if we will continue to do foster care after this case has come to a close. . . but I know that God has shown Himself to be strong, om-niscient, ever-present and loving in the friends that He has brought along side us.