10-23 Lesson Learned
Can we just sit and talk? I always try to picture my closest, sweetest friends when I sit down to pour out my heart. But this morning, I have to confess a failure, and tell you how God is working in my life.
Yesterday I lashed out. I was hurt, angry, frustrated, OVER IT. Ugh.
Last week there was a run-in with a few people that I am very close to. And instead of "just" apologizing for my part in it, I apologized AND explained my point of view. Needless to say this went back and forth for a few days, until my friend called me. She started telling me about her pastor on Sunday, and what a great message he preached about letting God defend you. I feel like I should take a little break here and say that I don't want to wait for God to defend me. I want the satisfaction of that "ah ha" moment! I want to fly into the fray, sword raised, righteous anger blazing! But is it really "righteous" when you are defending yourself?
So, I apologized for my part in it, one last time, then backed away. God didn't defend me, I didn't give Him a chance.
Yesterday when I picked the boys up from their visit the visitation supervisor came to me with ANOTHER complaint. "Alex says that one of your children kicked him, and then when he told you, you said you didn't care." My response, "That's ridiculous! He's three, who knows where he came up with that story." Evidently, "that's ridiculous" didn't come across as though I were taking this seriously. So he came back very somberly with, "We grilled him pretty hard, and his story didn't change. We are taking this very seriously and I had to write it in my report." Now I'm mad. Questioning my parenting???? Being a mother is the only thing I have ever wanted to do. I try to parent as God would have me parent, to rise to the task. I take being a mother as an honor and a privilege, and now this young new supervisor is calling all that into question??? And so, I lashed out in a very carefully worded e-mail. Which just wasn't satisfying so I carried over the frustration to my family.
WHY WHY WHY do I have to keep learning this lesson?
I write the letter, document the situation, and I get another letter back last night, detailing how highly trained her workers are. How denies any accusatory tone, or implication. etc etc
All this to say, last week, I should have learned my lesson when it was people I'm close to.
Yesterday I was given the opportunity to respond more maturely and again I failed. BUT, God has drawn me near again. He has opened my eyes to see His truth once more, and I'm sure I will be given more opportunities in the future to practice what I have learned here.
On a brighter note. ;-) Abi and Alex both have little lap-top computers that came from our Mimi and Alex's grandma. They have been carrying them and their babies around all day. I happened to be walking past the room when Alex asks his baby if he likes it here, and if he can see his room. I give Abs a look, and she explains, "We are social workers, and these are the kids that we are checking on." :-D I guess in their own way they understand all this. :-D
Several of my FAVORITE favorite bloggers have different little labels for their days, I was thinking about trying out Foster Friday. What do you think?
Yesterday I lashed out. I was hurt, angry, frustrated, OVER IT. Ugh.
Last week there was a run-in with a few people that I am very close to. And instead of "just" apologizing for my part in it, I apologized AND explained my point of view. Needless to say this went back and forth for a few days, until my friend called me. She started telling me about her pastor on Sunday, and what a great message he preached about letting God defend you. I feel like I should take a little break here and say that I don't want to wait for God to defend me. I want the satisfaction of that "ah ha" moment! I want to fly into the fray, sword raised, righteous anger blazing! But is it really "righteous" when you are defending yourself?
So, I apologized for my part in it, one last time, then backed away. God didn't defend me, I didn't give Him a chance.
Yesterday when I picked the boys up from their visit the visitation supervisor came to me with ANOTHER complaint. "Alex says that one of your children kicked him, and then when he told you, you said you didn't care." My response, "That's ridiculous! He's three, who knows where he came up with that story." Evidently, "that's ridiculous" didn't come across as though I were taking this seriously. So he came back very somberly with, "We grilled him pretty hard, and his story didn't change. We are taking this very seriously and I had to write it in my report." Now I'm mad. Questioning my parenting???? Being a mother is the only thing I have ever wanted to do. I try to parent as God would have me parent, to rise to the task. I take being a mother as an honor and a privilege, and now this young new supervisor is calling all that into question??? And so, I lashed out in a very carefully worded e-mail. Which just wasn't satisfying so I carried over the frustration to my family.
WHY WHY WHY do I have to keep learning this lesson?
Declare and present your case; let them take counsel together! Who told this long ago? Who declared it of old? Was it not I, the LORD? And there is no other god besides me, a righteous God and a Savior; there is none besides me. Is 45:21
I write the letter, document the situation, and I get another letter back last night, detailing how highly trained her workers are. How denies any accusatory tone, or implication. etc etc
All this to say, last week, I should have learned my lesson when it was people I'm close to.
Yesterday I was given the opportunity to respond more maturely and again I failed. BUT, God has drawn me near again. He has opened my eyes to see His truth once more, and I'm sure I will be given more opportunities in the future to practice what I have learned here.
On a brighter note. ;-) Abi and Alex both have little lap-top computers that came from our Mimi and Alex's grandma. They have been carrying them and their babies around all day. I happened to be walking past the room when Alex asks his baby if he likes it here, and if he can see his room. I give Abs a look, and she explains, "We are social workers, and these are the kids that we are checking on." :-D I guess in their own way they understand all this. :-D
Several of my FAVORITE favorite bloggers have different little labels for their days, I was thinking about trying out Foster Friday. What do you think?
Foster Friday sounds great Danielle,
ReplyDeleteI am afraid I know what your saying more then I would like to admit lol. I always speak faster then I think and I end up kicking myself because of the consequences. Sweet friend, I so admire your honesty and bravery. Keep up your God given tasks for you are so gifted in them, He is with you.
LOVE YOU SO MUCH
~Marie
I have had to learn the hard way again and again! And in several areas besides the one you mentioned! I could easily put myself in your situation, and I think I would have failed too! Ditto what Marie said. A comforting thought for me is that the Lord disciplines those he loves. I loved your verse.
ReplyDeleteI love Foster Friday!!! And that you share them with us!
Much love sweet friend!
Danielle, I do not like social services and the system on the whole but I do know that there are really bad foster parents out there that couldn't care less about the kids they are taking care of; some just want the money. All this to say that the system leans (sometimes wrongly) towards the end of the pendulum that takes every comment from a foster child ubber seriously (hello, three year olds make stuff up); realize that not all foster parents love like you and David. Continuing to pray for you guys.
ReplyDeleteYa'll are sweet! Thank you for the encouragement. Honestly blogging has given me an outlet, and another support system.
ReplyDeleteElizabeth and Marie, Thank you for appreciating my candor, I really want this to be an honest look at our lives.
Miss Denise, I do realize that there are some interesting people out there that foster, and honestly it SCARES ME, we are keeping our priorities on our children and the task that we are called to. Thank you for praying!
Danielle,
ReplyDeleteLife is such a journey isn't it? I, too, often feel like Paul when he says "the things I don't want to do, I do, and the things I do want to do, I don't...who will deliver me?..." "Praise be to God."
He understands our wrestling. I love how you said "God has drawn me near again". He loves us, and delights in us even when we are still figuring it all out doesn't He? You are a treasure to Danielle.
I think a "Foster Care Friday" would be a great idea.
Oh another note, I mailed my apron today, and wanted to tell you be sure to go to the post office and not a postal company or UPS store. We paid $10.00 to mail to Scotland, but the UPS store was going to charge $64.00... can you believe that? Anyhow, wanted to let you know.
Love You Danielle,
Pam
Miss Pam~
ReplyDeleteAs always you have cut straight to the heart of the issue.
You are SUCH an encouragement to me!
I have read and re-read your comments, they are like a sweet visit from a dear friend.
(thanks for the heads up about the post office!!! I am going tomorrow to FIND that
treasured apron.)
Thank you for loving me so well!