Secrets

"C'mere mom, MOM, I wanna tell you a tweak-et"  

I lean in, he grabs both sides of my face, our precious boy that struggles with emotions whispers, full of spittle into my ear. 

"I huv my be-yack be-yack headphones." 

He has been asking for black headphones for almost a week, THE DAY finally came and he and I went back to the electronics dept, watched as the manager unlocked the cabinet and he picked the black headphones.
They were his, at long last. He had them in his hands.  Then he started to cry.  He cried all the way to the register, then he cried all the way to the car.  Sweet baby just gets overwhelmed.

But you know what struck me?

He thinks he is imparting me with some great secret as he leans in and spits in my ear.  And we do THE SAME THING WITH GOD!!!

We get easily overwhlemed by emotions or circumstances, we are perpetually 2yrs old to an all knowing, all seeing God.  We are HIS adopted through grace, special needs children.

We want these moments of closeness, we pull God close and whisper our secrets.

 And He whispers back. "I know".

Maybe you are reading this thinking, "Um, yeah... God of the universe, nothing hidden, yada yada."

But I LOVE this boy.  I mean, walk on coals, crawl on my hands and knees, give him my last M&M kind of love. and him whispering his secrets to me is a very personal act.  He doesn't like to make eye contact, or share any sort of emotional thing, so this is HUGE for him.  And the analogy is very real to me.

I struggle with prayer.

I know that HE already knows what's going on.  He knows where I'm struggling, and the prayer isn't for His love for me.

It's for my relationship with Him.

Fostering has changed us.

Adoption has changed us.

And we are so grateful.